Michelina's: An Expose

by Anna

Much like Streganona's pot of spaghetti, the cult hatred of the Michelina's/Macarena ads is bountiful and unending. To the microscopic percentage of readers with Internet access but no television, here is a description of the campaign I am talking about:

Television Ad number 1: A fun-loving, Casual Friday-type Macarenas her way around the office kitchenette while the no-nonsense boss approaches hotly down the hall. While her outstretched hands flip and flop at the appropriate times she sings something along the lines of: "...Top-a quality-a and the price a nice surprise-a. Hey! Michelina's!" The original Spanish has been changed to ridiculous Spainglish.

Television Ad number 2: A So-White-It-Hurts shopper Macarenas through the frozen food section of your neighborhood supermarket. Her sensible bob and mock-turtleneck tucked into her high-rise khakis leave us wondering, "Is this lady much fun?" But when the store transforms into a non-decade-specific discotheque (playing the modified dance "hit"), we know she is a cool cat, and it's gotta be the Michelina's. Wink.

No one in the United States likes these commercials. Especially no one who had the Macarena pounded into his or her head 6 years ago. The choice of this pulsing Latin tune to sell frozen entrees to the Lean Cuisine crowd has everyone baffled. Chat rooms, blogs, everyone I talk to wants to know: What's going on?!?

People were paid to think up, act in and produce this commercial. Unbelievable. In my Internet hunt I could find only a lone production manager who fessed up to the work. Dale Dreher (http://www.ad-upmnet.com/dreher/), was it really worth it?

It turns out, my fellow Minnesotan's, the roots to this whole problem lie within our very backyard. Read on: "My mother, Michelina, came to Minnesota's Iron Range, a melting pot of people of more than 25 nationalities who lived side by side, sharing customs, beliefs and recipes from the "old country." From this rich resource came Michelina's® international cuisine." How could that cute old Italian allow the monster that is the Michelina's Macarena? El dinero?

This commercial may be a sign of the apocalypse. We can be certain that the end is nigh when the following songs and products are united:

"Mmmm Bop" & Malto Meal
"Achy Breaky Heart" & Oxy 10
"Bust A Move" & Metamucil