Sweets and the Downfall of an Educational Excursion

by JCaleb

This trip to Europe was meant to be an opportunity to explore different cultures, learn new things, and gain a fresh perspective on life. Things were going well until my coeditor, Stephanie, joined the journey and it evolved into something entirely different: A quest for dessert.

You'd think sugar was a food group.

From Spain, where I met her, we decided to go to Italy. For the breathtaking scenery and laid-back culture? No, for the gelatto.

Gelatto is the Italian version of ice cream. It's softer than soft serve, and comes in a wide variety of flavors. It's also served with a minimum of two scoops. This frees a person from the pain of making a single decision, and allows one to try a new flavor combination with every gelatto experience. This increase of the minimum amount of dessert orderable has received the Stephanie Anderson stamp of approval.

The gelatto in Italy, its place of origin, was very good. But Stephanie felt that we were wasting precious time searching for the best gelaterias. We needed to streamline our quest. We needed to head to a place whose gelaterias, desserteries, and restaurants had already been carefully explored and rated by our resident expert: Vienna.

But not without a snack.

The train ride was reported to be a long, arduous, sugar-free voyage, so we needed supplies. A delicious Swiss chocolate bar kept us but inches away from starvation on the ride. It was a good choice. Those Swiss know what they're doing.

Now, praise the Lord (who has made this wonderful world where chocolate really does grow on trees), we are in Vienna. Since arriving, I have seen such wonderful and significant sites as the gelateria where the gelato Nazi works, Stephanie's favorite gelateria - Stephanie's friend Simone's favorite gelateria - the gelateria where there is very good gelato but we can't go because they are racist (love for justice having narrowly outranked love for dessert in Steph's world) and Demel, home of the best cakes in the world. I've heard there are some nice churches, operas, and museums here as well, but none of them serve food, so they aren't really worth our time.

Next in my adventures? I was contemplating Rome, center of the Roman Empire. You know, all roads lead to_______. But I have been advised by my comrade in spoons that this is a poor choice. And who am I to doubt her? She's already helped me bypass many tourist traps (the Coliseum, La Scala, and a bunch of "dumb art," to name a few) and find the real culture of Europe. The world's best pesto, cake, gelatto, wieners, and chocolate are what I have to show for it. So, next stop is probably Switzerland. Whats that? No, Steph, I didn't know both Nestle and Toblerone were headquartered there.

Lead on fearless leader, lead on.