Death to "Smoochy" Haters

by Stephanie Anderson

Whenever I say that I liked Death to Smoochy, the recent Danny Devito, Edward Norton, and Robin Williams film, people say, as if I must be mistaken, "Oh. It got really bad reviews."
Do these people appreciate who they are quoting? These are the same reviewers who encouraged audiences to flock to Mummy Returns. Newspaper movie critics gleefully rejoice in tricking people into seeing bad films. It is their source of power. I, on the other hand, am trying to save you from Hollywood's grasping clutches. You have better things to do with your time than sit through Snow Dogs, like joining the International Maggot Racing Society.

What makes me a qualified critic, the clever reader asks? Simple. I hate 95% of all movies. A film must be in the top five percent for me to even give it a nod akin to those you give to people that you pass on the street but have no earthly desire to talk to. This, coupled with 22 years of practice harassing and criticizing my brother, gives me an ample arsenal.

That being said, I will make my second outright film statement of the year: Go see Smoochy. It is an extremely dark comedy, including every skewed adult movie vice wrapped in a cute little kiddie coating.

Edward Norton, who is so talented that roles ranging from neo-nazi to plush purple rhinoceros are no problem for him. He respectfully pulls off being a nice guy that daily dresses like a wanna-be Barney and sings songs about all-organic cookies, while still being straight.
The film has a fabulous repertoire of quotes, but this is not being fat and falling down humor (God rest Chris Farley). There are murders, suicide attempts, and an incredible amount of mob activity centered around a children's show time slot. I think we have all known, in our heart of hearts, that Captain Kangaroo and Big Bird were truly malicious enemies, Death to Smoochy just forces us to face that reality.

If you have ever wanted to sit down with a small cousin after a torturous 5 hours of mind numbing "I love you" songs and crush their world by explaining that Barney sucks, or if you have ever pondered the mystery that is Icecapades, go see Smoochy. And laugh really loud at the parts everyone else in the theater thinks are politically incorrect. Even if you don't enjoy the movie, you'll have fun with the looks you get on the way out.