Austria: Where Children Do Not Yet Wear Helmets

by Stephanie Anderson

A Viennese park is a strange thing to "safety conscious" American eyes. Not only do child-propelled, metal merry-go-rounds still spin proudly, but they are sometimes set at a tilt. Children flip on Jacob's ladders and climb on precarious, brightly painted, metal structures that serve as pirate ships or horses depending on the day.

The aforementioned toys were removed from American parks in the name of safety even before the now-extinct Teeter-Totters. It was never considered that a child hanging from a spinning disc by his feet, head on the cement ground, and asking another child to push, might not be a problem with the park equipment, but rather a lack of supervision, or even Darwinism in action. European parks are not without safety nets of their own. They have plentiful benches where parents and guardians chatter amongst themselves, while keeping one eye on their charges.

Another astonishing difference between parks on opposite sides of the ocean is that dogs play freely amongst the humans, often unhindered by leashes. Every so often there is some butt-sniffing, or even barking, but a dog attacking a person is yet to be heard of. Is there a chemical compound in Austrian water that makes their dogs better natured than American dogs, or do Austrians just take the time to train their dogs as members of the family? This riddle may never be answered. There are a few fenced in areas for the very smallest of children where dogs are "Verboten." This speaks not of dogs' behavior, but of the simple childhood fact that things furry, salivating, and four-legged that are bigger than you are things of which to be wary.

Parents keep a watchful eye, but everyone who chooses, enjoys the highest and fastest of play structures. Small falls, bumps and scrapes are ignored, tears being saved for more authentic struggles, and play is resumed. From this evidence, it seems dangerously probable that Europeans may still run and dive at swimming pools.

Please enjoy your parks, but don't forget your fluorescent bike helmet.

Remember the Man Capri?

Fashion trends appear at times unexplainable, but in reality, all can be traced to one source- Europe. The man-capri pant, Burberry plaid, and wearing a silk scarf around your neck that serves no purpose except as a chiffon choker- these faux pas all began in the place that trendy, late-night radio DJs refer to as "across the pond."

When my cousin in Spain, seeking news of home, expressed her hopes that the new trend of wearing a skirt over a pair of pants would not make it to the states, I sadly shook my head. Recalling the skirt and pant-clad friends I had bid farewell to just days before, I said, "It's too late."

Apparently the fashion spirit of the Eighties has returned, taking the layered look a step beyond mismatched tank tops and off-the-shoulder sweatshirts. Skirts are being adorned over pants on the streets of Minneapolis. And if the farmers' daughters are doing it, it has certainly already spread everywhere else.

The desired effect is to cleverly combine dressy and relaxed. But please, before you attempt this feat at your next "business-casual" meeting, recognize that the accomplished impression is less stylish, and more akin to what my mother would describe as "ragamuffin."

Sweets and the Downfall of an Educational Excursion

by JCaleb

This trip to Europe was meant to be an opportunity to explore different cultures, learn new things, and gain a fresh perspective on life. Things were going well until my coeditor, Stephanie, joined the journey and it evolved into something entirely different: A quest for dessert.

You'd think sugar was a food group.

From Spain, where I met her, we decided to go to Italy. For the breathtaking scenery and laid-back culture? No, for the gelatto.

Gelatto is the Italian version of ice cream. It's softer than soft serve, and comes in a wide variety of flavors. It's also served with a minimum of two scoops. This frees a person from the pain of making a single decision, and allows one to try a new flavor combination with every gelatto experience. This increase of the minimum amount of dessert orderable has received the Stephanie Anderson stamp of approval.

The gelatto in Italy, its place of origin, was very good. But Stephanie felt that we were wasting precious time searching for the best gelaterias. We needed to streamline our quest. We needed to head to a place whose gelaterias, desserteries, and restaurants had already been carefully explored and rated by our resident expert: Vienna.

But not without a snack.

The train ride was reported to be a long, arduous, sugar-free voyage, so we needed supplies. A delicious Swiss chocolate bar kept us but inches away from starvation on the ride. It was a good choice. Those Swiss know what they're doing.

Now, praise the Lord (who has made this wonderful world where chocolate really does grow on trees), we are in Vienna. Since arriving, I have seen such wonderful and significant sites as the gelateria where the gelato Nazi works, Stephanie's favorite gelateria - Stephanie's friend Simone's favorite gelateria - the gelateria where there is very good gelato but we can't go because they are racist (love for justice having narrowly outranked love for dessert in Steph's world) and Demel, home of the best cakes in the world. I've heard there are some nice churches, operas, and museums here as well, but none of them serve food, so they aren't really worth our time.

Next in my adventures? I was contemplating Rome, center of the Roman Empire. You know, all roads lead to_______. But I have been advised by my comrade in spoons that this is a poor choice. And who am I to doubt her? She's already helped me bypass many tourist traps (the Coliseum, La Scala, and a bunch of "dumb art," to name a few) and find the real culture of Europe. The world's best pesto, cake, gelatto, wieners, and chocolate are what I have to show for it. So, next stop is probably Switzerland. Whats that? No, Steph, I didn't know both Nestle and Toblerone were headquartered there.

Lead on fearless leader, lead on.

Death to "Smoochy" Haters

by Stephanie Anderson

Whenever I say that I liked Death to Smoochy, the recent Danny Devito, Edward Norton, and Robin Williams film, people say, as if I must be mistaken, "Oh. It got really bad reviews."
Do these people appreciate who they are quoting? These are the same reviewers who encouraged audiences to flock to Mummy Returns. Newspaper movie critics gleefully rejoice in tricking people into seeing bad films. It is their source of power. I, on the other hand, am trying to save you from Hollywood's grasping clutches. You have better things to do with your time than sit through Snow Dogs, like joining the International Maggot Racing Society.

What makes me a qualified critic, the clever reader asks? Simple. I hate 95% of all movies. A film must be in the top five percent for me to even give it a nod akin to those you give to people that you pass on the street but have no earthly desire to talk to. This, coupled with 22 years of practice harassing and criticizing my brother, gives me an ample arsenal.

That being said, I will make my second outright film statement of the year: Go see Smoochy. It is an extremely dark comedy, including every skewed adult movie vice wrapped in a cute little kiddie coating.

Edward Norton, who is so talented that roles ranging from neo-nazi to plush purple rhinoceros are no problem for him. He respectfully pulls off being a nice guy that daily dresses like a wanna-be Barney and sings songs about all-organic cookies, while still being straight.
The film has a fabulous repertoire of quotes, but this is not being fat and falling down humor (God rest Chris Farley). There are murders, suicide attempts, and an incredible amount of mob activity centered around a children's show time slot. I think we have all known, in our heart of hearts, that Captain Kangaroo and Big Bird were truly malicious enemies, Death to Smoochy just forces us to face that reality.

If you have ever wanted to sit down with a small cousin after a torturous 5 hours of mind numbing "I love you" songs and crush their world by explaining that Barney sucks, or if you have ever pondered the mystery that is Icecapades, go see Smoochy. And laugh really loud at the parts everyone else in the theater thinks are politically incorrect. Even if you don't enjoy the movie, you'll have fun with the looks you get on the way out.

How Foxy is She?

by Larry Moore

I had often heard the comment, "She's a foxy lady," while growing up in the Midwest. I never knew if they meant she looked like a fox or acted like a fox or was as sly as a fox. This confusion in phraseology was brought to a new level one crisp sunny morning while attending my first Minnesota Grape Growers Association (MGGA) Fall annual vineyard tour at the University Horticulture Research Center in Chanhassen, MN. Dr. Peter Hemstad, Head Grape Researcher, was providing expert commentary on various clusters of grapes grown in the vineyards of the Research Center. One variety's description went something like this, "The plant has good resistance. Clusters are medium sized, loose, with some green shot berries. The berries are blue, medium size with a distinctive, foxy flavor." I nudged the person next to me and asked if he knew what Peter meant by 'foxy.' They replied, "Oh you know, like Concord grape jelly!" With that knowledge I became an expert, often using the description 'foxy' when tasting wines and grapes. I found, in questioning others involved in the MGGA and Purple Foot Club, a lot of confusion and a wide range of views on just what 'foxiness' meant and it's origin.

In researching 'foxiness,' I discovered a lot of variation in early derivation and usage. The term foxiness and Fox Grapes evolved early in American history as settlers used the abundant wild native grapes. Vitis Labrusca was associated with fox grapes in the North, whereas Muscadine likewise was in the South. Writings in Virginia in 1622 described a grape "that runne upon the ground and maketh deepe red wine, which they call a Fox-Grape." William Penn in 1683 wrote, "The Fox-grape ... in itself an extraordinary grape." He used the term fox-grape as if it were common knowledge. There are various theories as to the derivation of fox-grapes and foxiness - from odor, to appearance, to animal attraction: to some things other than fox.

Some theories as to the use of "Foxiness" in reference to odor or taste, come from a variety of early references:
"The Foxe Grape ... smelleth and tasteth like unto a Foxe": John Parkinson, Theatricum Botanicum: The Theater of Plants (London, 1640). The "fox grape of Virginia is of "a rank Taste when ripe, resembling the Smell of a Fox, from whence they are called Fox-Grapes": Robert Beverley, The History and Present State of Virginia (1705). "A strong scent, a little approaching to that of a Fox, whence the name of Fox-grape": Humphry Marshall, Arbustrum Americanum (1785). "Musky," that is, "having a musky taste or smell, like a fox-grape": Funk and Wagnalls, Standard Dictionary of the English Language (1895). "Whatever the original intention of the name, the preponderant current usage holds that an aroma or taste peculiar to the labrusca grape is what foxiness refers to": Thomas Pinney, A History of Wine in America (1989). The referenced "fox- like odor" comes from the skin of the grape.

One of the main ingredients of this odor and taste comes from an ester called methyl anthranilate. It has been synthesized and used in grape soft drinks. Peter Hemsted tells of a fellow Researcher, whose work has shown that this ester is found in both the musk gland of the fox and the Vitis Labrusca grape. When Peter first got involved with the University of Minnesota viniculture program, he eliminated many varieties containing foxiness from the research. He instead put his efforts into developing cold hardy varieties, which could produced wines emulating the great wines of vinifera, found growing in California and Europe. Having gotten involved in retailing of wine, Peter has seen a segment of wine drinkers with a taste for wines with some foxiness. His change in attitude about foxy grapes came with the realization that there is a significant economical place for this type grape. His research is now in the process of reintroducing foxy varieties as a cross, as well as other unique aromatic grapes, such as muscat. One of these new research varieties that includes foxiness is MN 1197. Peter also feels juice and table grapes are accepted best by the public if they contain some foxiness. John Marshall (MN commercial grape grower and MGGA board member) stated: "Contrary to the established wisdom, Labrusca grapes represent a valuable niche in the huge American table grape market.", MGGA newsletter, Notes From the North (Aug 1998).

Foxiness may become an even more familiar term in our vocabulary as we see a greater development and usage of the Fox Grape in the future. So when you're enjoying that next glass of wine with a fellow wine club member and he suggests, "She's a bit foxy don't you think", he's probably not talking about the lady just passed by, but rather the musky, fox-like odor of your home made Concord wine.

1. John Bonoeil, His Maiesties Gracious Letter to the Earle of South-Hampton (London, 1622), p.49 2. Albert C. Myers, ed., Narratives of Early Pennsylvania, (new York, 1912), p.227